...you're at a bar with your husband, surrounded by a bunch of 20-something young lads and *maybe* three women, and yet you manage to only get hit on by the very drunk 70+ year old named Ray who wants you to dance with him to one of said lads very poor rendition of some mosh pit song that you are currently too old to even recognize. Ray proceeds to tell you three times how he was in the navy and is drinking a black russian, and would you like one too? Even though you keep politely declining and seemingly half-interestedly respond, 'Oh, I'm sure the navy was very exciting,' he still does not leave for a full 10 minutes, during which time your husband has mysteriously disappeared and is no where in sight to help. (In fairness to myself, I must add here that none of these young lads were worth a damn. I mean seriously, how many COOL 20-something-year old guys actually enjoy singing karaoke?)
...you sort of feel bad for the 70+ year old old man who hit on you and have a very serious conversation with yourself in your head about how you hope you are not hanging out at a karaoke bar with people 50 years younger than you when you are his age.
...during the same evening you drink three vodka tonics (okay, maybe *four* since that third one was a double tall) and you can barely keep your eyes open during the next day's tour of the amazing Hearst Castle and keep telling your other half to please stop talking as you are trying to 'rest your eyes' as he is driving.
...the two wineries you taste at after the Hearst Castle tour set you right for a couple of hours, though you're back to barely keeping your eyes open as soon as you try to go out for dinner.
...even though your children are being well cared for at home and you have two whole days with no one screaming at you to do as you please with your other half, you still feel inclined to go to sleep at 11 pm on the second night. (please reference third entry above)
...you find a 2 inch long 'crazy hair' coming out of your chest after you've just had a full body massage. (And this isn't the first time you've found one of those. Yeah. I just said that on a public blog)
...you actually really missed your kids and are looking forward to going home to see them.
...you're right back where you started within 24 hours; wondering when you'll get your next break.