Today I have been solo parenting. And I am T-I-R-E-D. The other half was gone three days out of last week as well. He came home for just over 24 hours only to leave at the buttcrack of dawn again this morning. It's not his fault, of course, but damn, it gets tiring at times.
Today I tried really hard to keep us busy and having fun. We went for a hike and M just would not cooperate. I know it sounds stupid, but I really believe he sometimes just doesn't want the rest of us to have an enjoyable time. (I type that, and I fear the backlash. There is a misnomer that kids with autism are stubborn when that isn't actually the truth. But in some cases with M, I have to tell you...I think he really is just being stubborn!!) B and I never went so far ahead of him as to be out of sight, but I did finally tell him that stopping and waiting for me to physically grab his hand and pull him up the trail was no longer an option. B was so worried saying, "Mama, you can't leave M!" I kept reassuring him that M would never be out of our sight, and sure enough, M would always eventually catch up with us. It wasn't much fun, but we did it.
We then played in the backyard with our neighbors, and then we spent about an hour swimming in the hot tub. By the end of it, M was digging his fingernails into me in his clenched jaw way, and I was ready to get the hell inside and into some comfy jammies with a glass of wine in my
I was clearly not in a pleasant mood by that point, though I did my darnedest to just stay separate from the boys so as to not show it too much. But my littlest man--the one who seems to live inside my brain at times--came in and said, 'Mama, I want to show you something outside. Grab my hand, and I'll show you.' So off we went to our back patio, the one I don't sit on often enough. The one with that spectacular view of miles and miles of Pacific ocean. 'Mom, I want to show you the beautiful sunset. Isn't it pretty?'
He melts my heart, this one. He can drive me up the wall as well, but he always knows how to work his way back into my good graces.
'Mama,' he said. 'Are you still cranky or are you happy now?'
'I am so happy, B. You're right. That was beautiful. Thank you.'