Wednesday, November 4, 2009


Man, I got a bit worked up at the end of yesterday's post, didn't I? And you know what? I'm probably even more worked up about it all now!

I'll bet just about every parent of a child with special needs--but more specifically a child with autism--has heard the story of someone they know being told to just accept that their child was never going to progress...never going to amount to much...never say 'I love you.' I know I've heard these stories hundreds of times and have always counted my blessings with the knowledge that there was still *hope* for my child. I've never thought he would be a rocket scientist...I'm not sure I've ever really believed he'd even graduate from school. But I did do think that he has a chance to be a productive member of our society...a person who is liked and looked after...a person who can live happily for the majority of his days without feeling like he needed to have a tantrum in protest of the hard-to-navigate world surrounding him.

His teacher--with her comment that 'maybe this is just who M is'--in a much subtler way told me to accept that he is not going to amount to much and is going to live the rest of his life as a very difficult human being to be around.

You may think I am reading something into this phrase that isn't there, but I assure you I am not. Her intent was not to be hurtful or malicious--this is the only difference between what she said and what I have heard others to have been told. But the message is still the same and I will not accept it. This is NOT our future for M. It is our present, yes; and it really does suck at times, but we will get past it with the help of the right people. I have to keep telling myself that we will find those people and a way to work with them. I have to. I have to. I have to.


Nicole Callihan said...

O Deb, that sucks! Them are fighting words!!!

Anonymous said...

You are right Deb! M has so much potential and anyone who doesn't see it is a fool. He has so much love & joy & gentleness & heart & soul. He filled our lives with it when he was in our classroom & took a chunk of our hearts when he left. Breaks my heart to read this post. You are right to keep fighting & to keep pushing for what is best for him. You are right to get mad & to not "settle" for second rate instruction. I believe, no, I KNOW he will be a happy, productive member of society. He has you. And you will find a team that supports him & "gets" him & loves him & fights to make it happen for him. You found it in Texas & you will find in California. You're right, he is an old soul & he is a beautiful soul. GH

Mama Deb said...

I just wanted to let people know that the anonymous comment from GH is actually one of M's AMAZING former teachers from TX.
Thank you, GH, for your comment. It means a lot to both the other half and me.