Friday, July 31, 2009

Summertime Blues

I'm in a funk again. (What's new?!)

M has been out of summer school for about two weeks and I just cannot motivate to do meaningful activities with he and B. The dreary weather does not help.
I find us staying in pajamas too long--a thing that can be very good a day or two here and there, but not EVERY day--and finally mustering enough courage and stamina to get us dressed and out of the house some time post 3pm each day.

The other half worked from home two days ago. I begged him all day to agree to go with us to the farmer's market. He was too spent after a long jog he had the good fortune of going on by himself, had a couple of conference calls for work, and would not be able to join us. I tried to (calmly) explain to him that things were just really hard to try and pull off by myself with both kids these days. M goes into full tantrum mode any time we pull into a parking lot, and though he will eventually calm down, having to go through the initial chaos has just about done me in, making me dread taking him anywhere. And then there's B -- my independent, oh-so-two-year-old, do-it-himself-or-he'll-scream, Mommy-can-I-have-a-lollipop, no-I-don't-want-to-ride-in-the-wagon, bundle of, uh, joy. Combine the two and just me and I'm ready for a drink before I even start!

We did manage to get ourselves out the door that day around 4:30. I am pretty sure I sighed and huffed dramatically around the other half as he lay in bed checking emails. (but he deserved that, right?!) B fell asleep (naturally) on the way there and as predicted, didn't want to ride in the wagon most of the time, but we still enjoyed ourselves miraculously and even stopped at the marine reserve on the way home to gaze at the harbor seal pupping area; a pleasant site since most of the seals we've seen around here lately have, sadly, been dead ones.

I know that I can take the boys out on my own. I know it won't be easy and we may have to turn around and go home. I'm just sort of feeling lonely and wishing I had someone else to go with me...namely the other half. I'm not griping here. We do things together as a family. But during the week when he is working, I so wish he didn't have to work so he could be with us! Silly, isn't it? And gosh, he would be so surprised to know that I actually wished he was with us during the week...haha. (Shh! Don't tell him!)
But really, there's no one that can suffer through failed outings like he and I can together. Don't get me wrong...some of my good friends will hold it together and keep me calm during failed outings WAY better than the other half can. It's just that when it's the other half with me, he and I can sort of wallow in it all together and share those knowing looks of 'Holy crap, this is hard' with one another.
If I'm having a particularly tough time getting B to listen to me (wait, when am I NOT having a tough time getting B to listen to me?), he can step in and take control of things. And likewise with M. With friends and some family, there is a learning curve, a (completely understandable) hesitancy to jump in and assist--especially with M. I think that in this crazy life we live--the one where the rate of divorce is sadly quite large--we both know that no one else could ever love, understand, and let's be honest here, tolerate, our children the way he and I can together.

So in my own weird way, I think I just gave the other half a compliment! But like I mentioned earlier...shh! I like to keep him on his toes and do what I can to not inflate his head too much :)


fer said...

Sweetie, take child with special needs out of the mix, and I get you already...if not in my own life from time to time, then sharing each day of the week with six other parents.

But I hear the loneliness you feel and the special bond you have with your partner...something important I don't think all of us "get" in the same way...

Hard to tell you how much I admire you and your attitude and your resolve.

K said...

Just found your blog

Mandy said...

Awwweee. That's so sweet. It's great you two have each other and that these challenges have helped you grow together and not apart! Go give him a big hug and kiss (and maybe more--LOL!)