Silence

I can remember a time not too long ago when I didn't particularly like the quiet. Sure, I loved to read a book in bed, take a nap in a hammock, watch a sunset with a glass of wine; but those times weren't essential to my being.

Now, I long for silence. I long for a space in time that lasts more than two seconds, where no sound permeates by eardrums.

M has started this verbal stimming thing that is the stuff made to put Mamas in straight jackets. I am almost tempted to record it so I can post it here for you to listen to. It is this high-pitched, head voice, sort of sound. There are no real words used; just kind of a hum made while his mouth is opened as if he were going to form words. Yesterday was his first day back to school after Spring break, so his sing-song was on FULL FORCE when he got home. The other half is away on business, so I am currently flying this plane solo. Oh, and did I mention it was frakking hot here yesterday? When you live in a cool, coastal climate there isn't much need for air conditioning, except for a few days here and there. It was probably nearing 90 degrees inside our house yesterday. That paired with the sing-song was just about enough to do a girl in.

Sometimes I'm able to sort of laugh at the sing-song and even join in, which is kind of funny. No-go yesterday. Nothing was funny. Not one tiny iota of funny. I even tried relaxing with a People magazine and a cold glass of chardonnay while the boys played in the backyard. M hopped, fluttered, and paced the yard the entire time...sing-songing all the while. The phrase, 'they're coming to take me away!' kept dancing through my head.

The pets were driving me wonky too. The dogs are shedding buckets, the cats keep getting on my counters, and well, basically I just needed a break from it all.
I finally got both boys in bed (though the singing could still be heard for an hour more through M's door), and I took a much-needed, cool shower. I don't think I've enjoyed a cold shower as much before in my entire life! I put on my flowy, white, cotton nightgown...the one that totally looks like a cross between something my mother would wear and something Laura Ingalls would wear. (I know, hot right?!)
I went upstairs to my glass of wine and sighed...ahh. Silence at last!

And then what should happen?? Well, B decided it was too hot to sleep, of course. After some unsuccessful snuggling I realized it was futile. He was staying up as long as I was staying up...or longer. We both finally fell into a fitful sleep around midnight. We were all surprisingly chipper this morning after it all. I pick M up from school in a few hours and I'm sure it will all start over again.

Funny...I'm sort of missing the chewing of couches, cords and what not. (well, not really missing them) It seems like when one behavior is replaced by another, the behavior seems to drive me a tiny bit more insane. Just think what it's going to be like when he's a teenager! I'm going to finally complete my transformation into Janis Joplin, complete with a fifth of southern comfort in hand. Oh, but I'll be able to karaoke 'Me and Bobby McGee' better than ever, huh? I'll be that 'poor woman whose children drove her to become an alcoholic, karaoke-singing, hippie.'

It's sad, really. (And yes, I am fully aware that I'm closer to that description than not!)


(That's M and I dressed as 'peace and carrots' when he was nearly three months old)