Saturday, April 18, 2009

One Is Directly Proportionate To The Other

(Or something like that!)

One thing I have noticed over the past couple of years is that when M is happy and thriving, we ALL are happy and thriving. It is a blessing and a curse to live by this rule.
The past two days have been a blessing. M was more cooperative than he had been the past couple of weeks. He was using more expressive language, which always delights us to no end. The light was on and he was home!

In the quest to figure out children like M, it is often advised to note things in a journal. I tried this for awhile last Fall when I was reintroducing his supplements. I was neurotic about making sure I wrote down cryptic words that only I could understand. Have I looked at that journal recently? Nope. I came to realize that regardless of what supplements I was adding and their possible effects on my little guy, there were a zillion other forces in play that I may not have been aware of that might have been doing more (or less) for him than anything I was putting into his body.

So when I think about what could have made the last two days a bit better than the last two weeks or even two months, there are a ton of possibilities. I increased the amount of GABA from 500 mg, twice daily to 1000 mg, twice daily. (GABA is something our brains produce naturally to calm ourselves) I stopped giving him the folic acid supplement that he supposedly needs to help process the b-12 in his body as I have been told that this supplement can cause hyperactivity in some kids. He was a lot less snotty the past couple of days than he'd previously been. The weather was a lot nicer the past two days, so we spent most of both days outside.
By being outside, M was away from the obsessive comfort zone that is our living room. (It has been an odd phenomena living in this house...I cannot keep the boy from immediately high-tailing it up the stairs to our living area for some reason. Is it the yellow walls? Is it the giant tv we now have hanging on our wall?)
I spent yesterday at a friend's home. We drank coffee and chatted on her glorious deck in the redwoods as the children played contentedly outside for hours. I was happy.

I am sure that all of these things played some part in making M feel safer, calmer, happier with the world around him; but to try and replicate this scenario day after day seems nearly impossible to me. I wish that it didn't seem so impossible, but it does. The reality of two fun days hit me this morning when I woke up to two inches of dog hair all over my floors, (and countertops, thank you aging kitty cats who no longer give a shit when I tell you not to go on them), clothes strewn everywhere, wet laundry still sitting in the washing machine, and a sink full of dishes.

Where is that staff of free help when I need them?!

I realize in writing this that the same can be said of parenting B, who does not have special needs, but does have really rough two-year-old days that can make me equally crazy. I guess it's just that at the end of a bad day I know that B is okay. When M has a bad day(s), I can't help but worry that it is another step backward in his development. After this past year, he can't afford anymore steps backward because the top of the stairs is becoming harder and harder to see.

I am having difficulty wrapping up this post. I guess like all things on this journey, we just have to take it one day at a time and relish those good days so that they may carry us through the ones that aren't so good.

1 comment:

Mandy said...

You're such a good mommy. Those boys are blessed to have you!!!