We had an ironic thing happen last weekend...we found a house. And we are in love with it.
It is in a better school district, 6 miles from the other half's work as opposed to 40. It has a HUGE backyard that is easily accessible and fully enclosed for M's safety. We have a yard that is an open space preserve currently, and while lovely, it is not practical for two young boys who could easily wander if not watched like hawks. It is a ONE STORY...I can't yell that loud enough since we have been living in the house of stairs for the past 2.5 years. Our current home is a 3.5 story with a crapload of stairs. I blame the increasing size of my rear on these stairs...you know, since I'm building up my glutes by constantly walking up and down them :)
B has chipped his tooth on these steps. He has had to have stitches on his chin because of these steps. I have severely twisted my ankle twice on these steps. We constantly have to provide physical prompting to M to go up and down, up and down these steps. I freaking hate stairs!
Anyhow, this house that we happened upon truly by accident, is represented by a realtor who happens to have a couple that he is representing who are looking for a home in our little town...in our price range. He will be here within the hour to preview it for his clients.
We're not running out and making any offers on this other house yet by any means. No, no...we've been through the selling game way too many times to get our hopes up that high. And yet, it is hard to not fantasize a tiny bit about how nice it would be if this all worked out for us. Oh, how happy I would be to not have to go through the process of listing and showing another home. We've had mixed luck with the four houses we have sold before this, so I truly believe we're due one of those amazingly easy home sales. (fingers and toes crossed)
So think good thoughts for us on this one, won't you? We could use them!
Showing posts with label home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label home. Show all posts
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
I Need To Write More...
...it's good for me to put my feelings down someplace other than inside my scrambled brain.
It's good for me to know that I have people reading who love me and my family or relate to our lives through their own.
So why have I been so absent lately?
I suppose it's that lack of THE word I've mentioned as being at the top of my 2010 mantra list: BALANCE. I swear to you, the word itself is magnified in volume in the world around me. I'll not hear a single word spoken from a person standing near me or from the tv, etc. but I always seem to hear it when someone mentions that word. It's as though it's enlightenment's way of teasing me; reaching out her arms to pull me in.
Balance, balance, balance. If only you can find the way to BE balanced, then the rest will fall into place.
Heck, one of my oldest friends and a reader of this blog (Hi, J!) recently started her own blog. Guess what it's called? Be Balanced Houston. See? It's everywhere!
It's amazing how when you're filled with a particular vibe, you discover that so many around you are in the exact same place. I've noticed quite a few friends who have slowed down the pace of their writing. And when they have sat down to share some thoughts, I can't get over how their topics of conversation are so on point with my own. I just read a blog I hadn't caught up on in a few weeks to find a guest blogger writing about being stuck, writing pros and cons lists for places to live. Then I read that the author of the blog was ready to move away from her lifelong home due to the dreary, cold weather. People...I was just thinking not an hour ago about writing out a pros and cons list to show the other half so we can once and for all decide where the hell our family should set down some roots. And not an hour before that (okay, and for a month before that as well) I was bitching and moaning about how flipping cold and gloomy my little coastal town is. Mama needs to put on some flipflops and a sundress and take in some vitamin D, people! Clearly the weather is currently at the root of my inability to achieve balance.
But we all know the main crux of the balance issue and that is my comfort level with where M is in life. It is so painfully clear that I will likely never achieve any sort of balance--not even that teeter-tottery sort where you're not sure if the person on the other side is going to hop off unexpectedly making you crash into the ground--until M is in a good place. Hell, even a better place. But I'm still making baby steps in the right direction.
I didn't spell it out in a recent post, but I will now: After nearly two years of fighting my insurance company, I finally succeeded in getting them to qualify M for 25 hours/week of in-home ABA (applied behavioral analysis) therapy. For those not in the know, this is HUGE, HUGE, HUGE!
Our amazing therapist began working with our little guy just over two weeks ago. We are currently only using about 16 hours/week because it is definitely a lot for him to go to school and continue to do work at home afterward. But there is so much general learning that is wrapped up beautifully in the art of play that he doesn't always realize it should be considered work. The weight lifted from my shoulders is immense. We had gotten into a real rut of doing nothing after school. It had become next to impossible for me or B to engage M in any activity. We couldn't even get him to sit still or quietly through a simple storybook. And forget any chance of going anywhere. No, sir, that ended close to year ago. I simply was not capable of many outings with both boys, by myself.
So as much as I hate to admit it (it's that Mama guilt thing of not adding up) this in-home therapy is the best thing we could have possibly hoped to have happened in the current position we're in. (i.e. no family support nearby, not-ideal school environment) I am so grateful for the bit of balance I am starting to achieve simply by not feeling guilty about my son pacing back and forth making verbal self-stimulatory sounds for hours and hours after school with me too fried to do much about it.
I am not a quitter, though I've not always pushed myself as hard to reach the finish line as I should have. So one day, maybe I'll find the right place to live. Maybe that place will have the right school for M. Maybe I'll figure out a way to get back to the me I used to know. (well, the good parts of me, that is) And maybe my family will plant some roots that spread widely and firmly; enough to balance us all. Enough to make us feel happiness on a more regular basis.
It's good for me to know that I have people reading who love me and my family or relate to our lives through their own.
So why have I been so absent lately?
I suppose it's that lack of THE word I've mentioned as being at the top of my 2010 mantra list: BALANCE. I swear to you, the word itself is magnified in volume in the world around me. I'll not hear a single word spoken from a person standing near me or from the tv, etc. but I always seem to hear it when someone mentions that word. It's as though it's enlightenment's way of teasing me; reaching out her arms to pull me in.
Balance, balance, balance. If only you can find the way to BE balanced, then the rest will fall into place.
Heck, one of my oldest friends and a reader of this blog (Hi, J!) recently started her own blog. Guess what it's called? Be Balanced Houston. See? It's everywhere!
It's amazing how when you're filled with a particular vibe, you discover that so many around you are in the exact same place. I've noticed quite a few friends who have slowed down the pace of their writing. And when they have sat down to share some thoughts, I can't get over how their topics of conversation are so on point with my own. I just read a blog I hadn't caught up on in a few weeks to find a guest blogger writing about being stuck, writing pros and cons lists for places to live. Then I read that the author of the blog was ready to move away from her lifelong home due to the dreary, cold weather. People...I was just thinking not an hour ago about writing out a pros and cons list to show the other half so we can once and for all decide where the hell our family should set down some roots. And not an hour before that (okay, and for a month before that as well) I was bitching and moaning about how flipping cold and gloomy my little coastal town is. Mama needs to put on some flipflops and a sundress and take in some vitamin D, people! Clearly the weather is currently at the root of my inability to achieve balance.
But we all know the main crux of the balance issue and that is my comfort level with where M is in life. It is so painfully clear that I will likely never achieve any sort of balance--not even that teeter-tottery sort where you're not sure if the person on the other side is going to hop off unexpectedly making you crash into the ground--until M is in a good place. Hell, even a better place. But I'm still making baby steps in the right direction.
I didn't spell it out in a recent post, but I will now: After nearly two years of fighting my insurance company, I finally succeeded in getting them to qualify M for 25 hours/week of in-home ABA (applied behavioral analysis) therapy. For those not in the know, this is HUGE, HUGE, HUGE!
Our amazing therapist began working with our little guy just over two weeks ago. We are currently only using about 16 hours/week because it is definitely a lot for him to go to school and continue to do work at home afterward. But there is so much general learning that is wrapped up beautifully in the art of play that he doesn't always realize it should be considered work. The weight lifted from my shoulders is immense. We had gotten into a real rut of doing nothing after school. It had become next to impossible for me or B to engage M in any activity. We couldn't even get him to sit still or quietly through a simple storybook. And forget any chance of going anywhere. No, sir, that ended close to year ago. I simply was not capable of many outings with both boys, by myself.
So as much as I hate to admit it (it's that Mama guilt thing of not adding up) this in-home therapy is the best thing we could have possibly hoped to have happened in the current position we're in. (i.e. no family support nearby, not-ideal school environment) I am so grateful for the bit of balance I am starting to achieve simply by not feeling guilty about my son pacing back and forth making verbal self-stimulatory sounds for hours and hours after school with me too fried to do much about it.
I am not a quitter, though I've not always pushed myself as hard to reach the finish line as I should have. So one day, maybe I'll find the right place to live. Maybe that place will have the right school for M. Maybe I'll figure out a way to get back to the me I used to know. (well, the good parts of me, that is) And maybe my family will plant some roots that spread widely and firmly; enough to balance us all. Enough to make us feel happiness on a more regular basis.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Finding Your Spot
This was one of the first things I posted when I started this blog in July, 2008. Back when I thought I'd use this space as a platform to be witty and flex my writing skills.
Laugh with me now, will you? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Duh...OF COURSE this was going to turn into a place where autism and parenting would prevail. Who was I kidding?
Anyhow, we have lived in Northern CA for nearly two years, and if you know me, you know that this is about the time that I start getting itchy feet and wondering where I'm supposed to go next. The longest I have lived in a house since probably 1992 is 26 months. I am not kidding.
So I took the 'Find Your Spot' quiz again and came up with similar results...a slew of locales in Oregon, this place that I sort of idealize in my head. I can't help but wonder if it's THE spot for my family. Better cost of living, better schools, more attainable/affordable private schools for autism, beautiful coasts and mountains, progressive people, etc. etc.
So where do you think the ideal life could be lived for your family? And let's gather some information here if you've got it...where are the best services for kids with autism? I have heard Washington State and Connecticut. What have you heard?
Looking forward to hearing what everyone has to say...
Laugh with me now, will you? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Duh...OF COURSE this was going to turn into a place where autism and parenting would prevail. Who was I kidding?
Anyhow, we have lived in Northern CA for nearly two years, and if you know me, you know that this is about the time that I start getting itchy feet and wondering where I'm supposed to go next. The longest I have lived in a house since probably 1992 is 26 months. I am not kidding.
So I took the 'Find Your Spot' quiz again and came up with similar results...a slew of locales in Oregon, this place that I sort of idealize in my head. I can't help but wonder if it's THE spot for my family. Better cost of living, better schools, more attainable/affordable private schools for autism, beautiful coasts and mountains, progressive people, etc. etc.
So where do you think the ideal life could be lived for your family? And let's gather some information here if you've got it...where are the best services for kids with autism? I have heard Washington State and Connecticut. What have you heard?
Looking forward to hearing what everyone has to say...
Saturday, August 22, 2009
There's No Place Like Home...
*Note to reading family members & friends from the mother ship: I love you all and mean absolutely nothing personal by the following post! Mwah!
We are on day 10 of our 13-day journey back to the mother ship. As absolutely fantabulous as it is to have help and see the people we love and miss dearly, I am cooked and ready to go home. Is it just a natural rigidity that sets in as we age that makes us not able to sleep on other mattresses or fully relax in someone else's home? Or is it the fact that I am paranoid at all moments that one of my kids (namely M) will wander off and chew or scratch someone's leather chairs or eat their books and dvd covers? As much as people tell me not to worry about such things...or that it bothers me more than it bothers them...I cannot let these things go. My parents in particular have a ridiculously pristine home that offers zero kid-friendliness other than the fact that everything is on one story. I immediately covered their over-priced leather barcaloungers with towels and sheets as a precautionary measure...one that was most definitely warranted since M made every attempt he could to scratch them when one of the sheets was moved by B to 'help his animals go to sleep.'
It is priceless to see the way M lights up around his grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and best friend, C. And he is enjoying the ability to swim in his grandparents' pool each and every day. But it is obvious that he is struggling a bit this past week and missing the comforts of his own home and his own routine. He is flapping a lot more. He skips around the house doing his own version of running laps. His food obsession has become magnified, leaving him a teary mess when we have to keep everyone else's glutinous plates out of his reach. He is so restless when he sleeps that I find him lying crossways in the bed with the covers completely tangled around him. He's cooked too.
And then there is my own ever-growing paranoia. I am well aware of the fault I have carried since childhood of worrying too much about what people think of me. If you've already been gifted such an annoying trait, I think it only magnifies when you are the parent of a child with special needs. All of these people who care so much about us...are they scrutinizing the way we handle every meltdown? Do they feel we aren't doing enough to address M's schooling crisis? Are they concerned about the state of the other half's and my relationship? I worry way too much that they are instead of just being myself and not giving a shit about it. Oh, how I wish I could stop being this way! It's all part of the process, isn't it?
I'd say that B is the one faring the very best of all of us. He has been a pleasure on this trip aside from not wanting to stay in his seat belt during turbulence on the plane. He is having an absolute ball with everyone and has even taken a few naps here in there! He wants to sleep with me every night, and though I realize I may have a little adjustment to getting him back in his own bed when we get home, I have relished the snuggling time with him. Each morning he wakes up well before I am ready to get out of bed, walks around to my side of the bed with his stuffed animal and blankie in hand, and says, 'Mommy, are we at my Grandma's house?' Or, 'Mommy, I am all done with sleeping.' He melts my heart and help keeps me sane.
Well, this stream of consciousness is hitting a brick wall. My brain is not as sharp as it needs to be with this inability to sleep straight through a night.
I will leave by saying that I am more confused than ever as to what the right answer is for my beautiful M and his future. I am fairly sure that it involves moving back to the mother ship, but I am not sure which city makes the most sense. I am worn out from the constant thinking about it and beyond ready to finally understand which direction this family is going to go next....
We are on day 10 of our 13-day journey back to the mother ship. As absolutely fantabulous as it is to have help and see the people we love and miss dearly, I am cooked and ready to go home. Is it just a natural rigidity that sets in as we age that makes us not able to sleep on other mattresses or fully relax in someone else's home? Or is it the fact that I am paranoid at all moments that one of my kids (namely M) will wander off and chew or scratch someone's leather chairs or eat their books and dvd covers? As much as people tell me not to worry about such things...or that it bothers me more than it bothers them...I cannot let these things go. My parents in particular have a ridiculously pristine home that offers zero kid-friendliness other than the fact that everything is on one story. I immediately covered their over-priced leather barcaloungers with towels and sheets as a precautionary measure...one that was most definitely warranted since M made every attempt he could to scratch them when one of the sheets was moved by B to 'help his animals go to sleep.'
It is priceless to see the way M lights up around his grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and best friend, C. And he is enjoying the ability to swim in his grandparents' pool each and every day. But it is obvious that he is struggling a bit this past week and missing the comforts of his own home and his own routine. He is flapping a lot more. He skips around the house doing his own version of running laps. His food obsession has become magnified, leaving him a teary mess when we have to keep everyone else's glutinous plates out of his reach. He is so restless when he sleeps that I find him lying crossways in the bed with the covers completely tangled around him. He's cooked too.
And then there is my own ever-growing paranoia. I am well aware of the fault I have carried since childhood of worrying too much about what people think of me. If you've already been gifted such an annoying trait, I think it only magnifies when you are the parent of a child with special needs. All of these people who care so much about us...are they scrutinizing the way we handle every meltdown? Do they feel we aren't doing enough to address M's schooling crisis? Are they concerned about the state of the other half's and my relationship? I worry way too much that they are instead of just being myself and not giving a shit about it. Oh, how I wish I could stop being this way! It's all part of the process, isn't it?
I'd say that B is the one faring the very best of all of us. He has been a pleasure on this trip aside from not wanting to stay in his seat belt during turbulence on the plane. He is having an absolute ball with everyone and has even taken a few naps here in there! He wants to sleep with me every night, and though I realize I may have a little adjustment to getting him back in his own bed when we get home, I have relished the snuggling time with him. Each morning he wakes up well before I am ready to get out of bed, walks around to my side of the bed with his stuffed animal and blankie in hand, and says, 'Mommy, are we at my Grandma's house?' Or, 'Mommy, I am all done with sleeping.' He melts my heart and help keeps me sane.
Well, this stream of consciousness is hitting a brick wall. My brain is not as sharp as it needs to be with this inability to sleep straight through a night.
I will leave by saying that I am more confused than ever as to what the right answer is for my beautiful M and his future. I am fairly sure that it involves moving back to the mother ship, but I am not sure which city makes the most sense. I am worn out from the constant thinking about it and beyond ready to finally understand which direction this family is going to go next....
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
One Year
Today we have been living in this house for one year. I can't refer to it as 'home' because after one year, it still does not feel like home. I took almost all of our personal photos down two months ago in anticipation of showing this house; in hopes that someone else would want to make it their home. But clearly now, that is not meant to be for at least a little while. Damned economy! I know I should unpack the picture frames, but I guess there is still that part of me that hopes someone will magically come along and want to buy our house...perhaps someone who loved it back when it was on the market just over one year ago? If only, right? But one can dream...
I put a lot of weight into how a house makes me feel. I think that's part of why the other half and I have moved around so much. You just can't really know a place until you've lived in it. It's hard to have insight into all the things that are going to piss you off royally once you've moved in. Well, you can, but if you allow the 'oohs and ahhs' to take precedence over the rational, practical stuff that isn't as much fun to get yourself emotionally tied to, you find yourself in a spot that doesn't suit you after the brief affair with the house ends.
I am very lucky to live in this house. I am lucky to see the mighty Pacific out almost every single window. I am lucky to watch the deer roaming in the open space behind us, and to listen to the owls at dusk. And yet, I think that if this house had felt more like a home this past year; and if this house hadn't been so difficult for all of us to maneuver; things would have been a lot less stressful on our family.
Our house is built up into a hillside; an inverted floor plan with the kitchen and living room on the top level. There are something like 55 steps from the garage to the top floor. Our bedrooms our one floor below the kitchen, as is the door that leads to the back yard. I have to go down a flight of stairs, past the kids' rooms and through their bathroom just to let my dogs outside. And once we've accomplished that, I have to stand out there while they pee in the open space preserve since the fenced-in-area of our property does not have any grass. Yes, I realize how whiny this sounds. But when you're patience is stretched already, the last thing you want to do is stand outside five times a day to let your aging animals do their business. And don't get me started on how it is when Hank takes a runner, or Sydney uses her newly acquired deafness to conveniently keep walking back into the preserve without looking back at me.
Lots of people fantasize about a house like ours...the other half and I now fantasize about a small, ranch-style house with no stairs! Oh, the grass is always greener, isn't it?!
I sometimes feel bad cursing this beautiful house. As though it has a soul that I am marring with my words. (does it?) There aren't many things that I'd do over in this life, but this house is one thing that I absolutely would if given the chance.
The other half thinks it will be another year before we will be able to make a change in our living situation. Like my newest mantra, 'M WILL go to the private school I want him to go to', I think I'll add to my plea, 'We WILL sell this house without losing our asses soon!'
Yes, one can dream!
I put a lot of weight into how a house makes me feel. I think that's part of why the other half and I have moved around so much. You just can't really know a place until you've lived in it. It's hard to have insight into all the things that are going to piss you off royally once you've moved in. Well, you can, but if you allow the 'oohs and ahhs' to take precedence over the rational, practical stuff that isn't as much fun to get yourself emotionally tied to, you find yourself in a spot that doesn't suit you after the brief affair with the house ends.
I am very lucky to live in this house. I am lucky to see the mighty Pacific out almost every single window. I am lucky to watch the deer roaming in the open space behind us, and to listen to the owls at dusk. And yet, I think that if this house had felt more like a home this past year; and if this house hadn't been so difficult for all of us to maneuver; things would have been a lot less stressful on our family.
Our house is built up into a hillside; an inverted floor plan with the kitchen and living room on the top level. There are something like 55 steps from the garage to the top floor. Our bedrooms our one floor below the kitchen, as is the door that leads to the back yard. I have to go down a flight of stairs, past the kids' rooms and through their bathroom just to let my dogs outside. And once we've accomplished that, I have to stand out there while they pee in the open space preserve since the fenced-in-area of our property does not have any grass. Yes, I realize how whiny this sounds. But when you're patience is stretched already, the last thing you want to do is stand outside five times a day to let your aging animals do their business. And don't get me started on how it is when Hank takes a runner, or Sydney uses her newly acquired deafness to conveniently keep walking back into the preserve without looking back at me.
Lots of people fantasize about a house like ours...the other half and I now fantasize about a small, ranch-style house with no stairs! Oh, the grass is always greener, isn't it?!
I sometimes feel bad cursing this beautiful house. As though it has a soul that I am marring with my words. (does it?) There aren't many things that I'd do over in this life, but this house is one thing that I absolutely would if given the chance.
The other half thinks it will be another year before we will be able to make a change in our living situation. Like my newest mantra, 'M WILL go to the private school I want him to go to', I think I'll add to my plea, 'We WILL sell this house without losing our asses soon!'
Yes, one can dream!
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Changes Are A-Brewin'...
...can you feel that?
I can.
Better make your plans to come visit me in this beautiful place before it is too late.
You just never know what might happen next.
And I could use a really good excuse to go the wine country for a day or two.
Seriously...book your tickets. Pronto!
I can.
Better make your plans to come visit me in this beautiful place before it is too late.
You just never know what might happen next.
And I could use a really good excuse to go the wine country for a day or two.
Seriously...book your tickets. Pronto!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Find Your Spot...
...yeah, yeah, get your heads out of the gutter, you dirty-minded women!
I'm talking about your spot in the U.S.; the place that makes the most sense for you to call home!
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Those of you who know me like to tease me about how nomadic I am. And one of you especially likes to joke that I must be in the witness protection program. (thank you, Alicia!) Oh, and another one of you (ahem...Candice) calls me your 'grass is always greener' friend. Whatever the reason may be, I don't think I've yet found 'my spot.'
There's certainly a part of me that wonders how we could ever leave this gorgeous place we have most recently called home. I mean, how many people can look out their windows--almost any of their windows--any see the ocean as the view on the horizon? It's beautiful, serene, calming, and just plain awe-inspiring. And yet, I don't see this as the end-all, be-all of spots for my family. It's just so expensive to live here, and because we have children, it makes sense that we should care about the type of education and the recreational activities available to them. Unfortunately, those things don't necessarily add up.
There's this great web site I've known about for years and revisit when I'm getting that itch. It's called, surprisingly (!) Find Your Spot. Take the quiz...see what it says about you. I mean, the power of suggestion is likely pretty valuable here, but still. I've been talking about Portland, Oregon a lot lately and how it kind of makes sense to me to be our next (and possibly final) spot.
Oddly enough, Portland, Oregon was the top spot that the quiz generated for me! Here are my top spots:
1. Portland, Oregon
2. Eugene, Oregon
3. Honolulu, Hawaii
4. Little Rock, Arkansas (My whole family is from there...hell, no, is this girl moving to Little Rock!)
5. Santa Cruz, California
6. Valencia, California
7. Corvallis, Oregon
8. Salem, Oregon
9. Santa Barbara, California
10. Ventura, California
So I think I'm on the right path...just maybe not quite there yet.
Where's your spot? Be sure to share in the comments section of this blog...I'd love to hear!
P.S. The other half just took the quiz, too, and though most of the others were quite different from mine, his number one was Portland as well. Hmmmm????
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