Monday, March 22, 2010

It's 4 am...Do You Know Where Your Child Is?

I think only you east coasters will remember the on-air PSA that ran in the 70s and early 80s...

Anyhow, it is 4:30 in the friggin' a.m. and I'm dressed and attempting to be 'perky' with my poor, sweet M who can't for the life of him understand why the hell we're watching 'The Little Bear' movie at this ungodly hour. Waking him was not pretty, and I've got a couple of fingernail marks in my arm to prove it. Of course, this time, I totally understand why he dug his nails into me in frustration. I'd be frustrated too if I'd been kept awake until midnight and only allowed to sleep for four hours after that before someone rudely awakened me in the dead of the night.

And what's worse is that I can't even give the kid food or water to attempt to get his systems working, so I've gotten up from the couch about four times already during typing to prop his body upright and encourage his eyes awake.

Alright, 'Little Bear's Canadian accent was too calming for him and we've now switched to a little more upbeat programming. And now I've opened the windows in the hopes that the cool air will awaken him. And now I've removed the cozy blanket that he keeps pulling over him. Did I mention yet that this sucks?

We will leave by 6 a.m. to drive an hour to a hospital where they'll sedate M and perform an EEG. I realized I'd forgotten to update everyone on the results of the MRI that we did nearly two weeks ago. Normal. His brain looked...'normal.'
Metabolic panels, thyroid function, enzyme count and white blood cells....all good.

I have my own goofy reasoning for being glad that the MRI came back normal and for hoping that the EEG shows seizures that we aren't aware of M having. I want something fixable to be at the root of his regression. I want someone to say, 'here, take this pill and you'll get some of your kid back.'
I'm not making bets that this will happen, but it sure would be nice.

I think once we are on the other side of this test, the other half and I will likely start our newest, new normal in this life of autism. We will have to have conversations about things we don't necessarily like to talk about. And we will have to figure out how best to move forward in a way that is beneficial to each member of our family. We all love each other most of all and need to keep that in the forefront of our conversation. We are a unit, and right now our cogs are ridiculously out of sync which isn't healthy or happy for anyone.

Oh, good. It's almost 5 a.m. Almost time to make a pot of coffee!

Wish us luck...


Cassy said...

Good Luck!!!!!

Mandy said...

Bless your heart. I hope you find answers soon. Love you, girl!

Valerie Foley said...

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Oh I hate preparing for sedation! Sounds like M is hanging in there, not even begging for food or water? Thinking of you and hope things go smoothly.