...Mom, Mommy! Look at me, Mom! Look how big I'm getting, Mom! I'm a turtle, Mom! Don't call me B, call me Woody! I'm going to shoot my penis at you! I don't need to go potty! Mom, Mom, Mom, are you listening to me, Mom? NO...I will not stop playing ipad. NO...I will not take a shower. NO...I do not want to go to swim school. Mom, Mom, Mom!! I need something to eat, Mom! I don't want a sandwich, I want a cookie! I want grapes. We don't have grapes? But I want grapes! Mom, Mom, MOM!!!
And then--oh my gosh--when will that rescue remedy lozenge take effect? Is it 5:00 yet? How many days has it been since they were in school and the house was a tiny bit quiet? Has it really been six weeks since I last combed the beach for sea glass? Why is my heart always pounding and my stomach queasy? Why do I have to call the insurance company AGAIN? Why won't this flipping real estate market turn around so we can get out of this stupid house and move to a more functional one in a better school district? Why do I feel like I am buzzing around all day doing stuff, and yet I have nothing to show for it in the end? Why is there so much laundry? And why do I secretly love that laundry is the one thing I actually have some control over? Why does M have to have the same awful teacher for four years? Why won't my dogs stop barking at our neighbors? Why won't my neighbors stop smoking so many cigarettes and blowing it in my open windows? Why can't I grow basil here? Why are my lips in a constant state of chapped-ness? Why did I just inhale a gnat as I was typing? (true story!) Why are September and October such ridiculously busy months? WHY CAN'T LIFE SLOW THE FUCK DOWN AND GET A LITTLE BIT EASIER?
Oh, you don't know either??
Well, that makes me feel a bit better :)