Friday, February 6, 2009

My Unabridged Dictionary

Accomodative Esotropia (n) - The reason why M has to wear glasses.

Autism Spectrum Disorder (n) - 1. The reason why M doesn't talk the same as you and I.
2. The reason why M is in a 'special day class.'
3. A thing I wish M didn't have.

Special Day Class (n) - A class filled with kids of different ages and different abilities run by well-meaning teachers who don't always know what to do to specifically help each child develop his or her full potential.

Neurotypical (adj) - 1. The nicer-sounding label for people who are 'normal.'
2. The thing that B is.

Normal (adj) - I have no effing clue.

Fuck (n?) - A word I say way too many times each day.

Insurance (n) - The thing you pay a lot for that causes you headaches and doesn't always give you your money back.

Stimming (v) - 1. A shortened term for 'self-stimulatory behavior.'
2. What M does when he is not in school.
3. The things that may finally cause me to be committed one day :)

Sensory Integration Disorder (or, Sensory Processing Disorder) (n) - 1. The reason M sometimes hops around like an energizer bunny.
2. The reason M thinks it's really cool to chew on everything in sight.
3. The reason M REALLY loves swings.

Global Delays (n) - The thing every pediatric neurologist tells Mothers of children like M because they want to give them a little time to figure out themselves that it's really autism. (please note the word 'sarcasm' at play in the previous statement)

Sarcasm (n) - A skill I always had, but have perfected over the last five years.


Mandy said...

Ok, so I've had my fair share of medical problems and Patrick's hospital bills were over a million dollars. All I can say about that post is that I'm surprised the word fuc* was not used over and over again with the word insurance. I could see you doing synonyms like fuc*ing as*holes and fuc*king nightmare, fuc*ers who live to piss you off, fuc*ers who automatically decline the bill just for the fun of it, etc. I'm sure you could use it over a dozen times in that definition alone....OK, I'll step down from my soap box now and I'm VERY thankful for the fuc*ing insurance (although it's a racket) b/c otherwise I'd be on welfare! Fuc*ers!!!!

Anonymous said...

Global developmental delay=We don't have a freaking clue what's wrong with your kid but somethings not right. That's my daughter's diagnosis, I have since added on dyspraxia but nobody knows what that means either.

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