I have been in my own self-imposed blogless world. I haven't read any blogs. I haven't written for any blogs. I feel flat. Not the kind of flat Matt Stephens said I was when I secretly listened in on a three-way call as his friend asked him if he liked me in the 8th grade. (I've bloomed Matt! I've finally bloomed!)
But the kind of flat where there's not a whole lot of emotion pulsating through your body and you're just sort of floating through your days not really caring about them one way or another.
This isn't actually the worst thing in the world either. It sort of clears my head from all the intense worrying and sadness to take a moment to think about how I can move to the other side: joy and living. Or 'L-I-V-I-N' as a certain Dazed and Confused character so profoundly spelled it.
My friend, R, came to visit in January and one thing she said to me has replayed in my head at least a hundred times sine she left...she told me that she was worried about me most because I didn't seem to get any pleasure out of life. It stung at first to hear those words; but it stung because she was dead on with her observation.
For those of you who know me best, I have always lived life and had as much fun as I could. I think fun Debbie is still within me some place. She likes to make appearances on increasingly rare occasions. (Get me to a karaoke bar and watch me go!) So how do we as mothers--forget the special needs component--get some of that pleasure back into our lives? Please share your thoughts in the comments section. I need the inspiration.
I have more to say, but I think this is an appropriate place to stop.
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7 comments:
Go nuts with a paint pot in the bathroom and explode the walls with colour and design.
Have your own music party with Meatloaf cranked up to the max and make yourself bop around the housework - enjoyment begats enjoyment, fake laughter begats real laughter.
Set a mini goal for each day - scrub bath and wear high heels while doing it on Tuesday, Wednesday it's off to the races in formal wear hat while hanging out washing.
Spoil yourself with a manicure at home, plant some herbs in hanging baskets in the kitchen, play with the make up and experiment with the 1980s romantic pop band look -it's your war paint and your time to have fun.
I think you have to pursue singing....
wine and spa treatments! Time with friends! Then of course I feel guilty when I'm not tending to C & C 24/7. Is that just the nature of being a mom? Not sure?
Close your eyes and let everything else fall away, just for a minute. Imagine you have a genie's lamp that can grant you three wishes...but that they all have to be for you and you alone. What would they be? Any chance to get close to them without a magic genie?
And, if all else fails, karaoke and Amaretto stone sours work for me. :)
It's not easy, Deb, and so many of the moms I've interviewed for the Survival Guide had exactly the same feelings. I often do, too. I'm glad that at least you know that your happier side is in there, and that you're giving yourself the time to feel what you feel right now.
I also think that it's good simply to realize you have the right to some pleasure! You know how to find it. It if's karaoke, then go out asap to a karaoke bar with friends. Why the heck not? Find some small pleasure immediately, an easy one!
Deb - I think I have told you that I am using this year to re-center too, after a long, arduous year last year. I am indulging myself in my women friends - going away for short weekends, sending them cards to tell them how much they have meant to me, rekindling old friendships, and it has done wonders for me. I have another reconnect in San Diego in June, and I can't wait. It is dipping my toe in the pool of good women friendship, and it has been nothing short of pure serendipity. My advice - find out what might give you that kind of serendipity, and pursue it. Wholeheartedly. And reach out to us - those who love you - for support.
Oh, girl, do I get this post.
The whole having-my-husband-leave-me-thing really kicked my ass and left me floating through days. As if having a servely autistic son wasn't enough!
It is till so very tough. But I laughed a lot more in April than I did in March, and much more in March than I did in February.
I am doing things for myself that I NEVER did during the past several years of my marriage.
Girl, get on down here to DFW and let's go eat fajitas and our back some margaritas!
Leah
fruitypebblesfordinner.blogspot.com
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