Nerves

I am hesitant to post this today, but I think it will help me to hear some positive stories and to get a bit of good mojo in the works for me.

I have had some thyroid trouble since B was born. Though blood tests showed everything to be fine, I have not felt fine in several years. The tough thing about thyroid issues is that just about every symptom I have can be attributed to my daily stress. But something has continued to nag at me, telling me I needed to keep an eye on things.

I decided to make another appointment with an endocrinologist I saw nearly two years ago. I felt like I was dismissed a bit quickly the last time I saw her, but yesterday she really listened to my concerns. Symptoms aside, there was no denying the fact that I have a very enlarged goiter (what, am I 80? Geez!) that is quite visible in my neck. I have constantly swollen lymph nodes in my neck as well as an often hoarse voice which are of great concern to me as well.

I am waiting to hear back about the six (gah!) vials of blood they took from me yesterday, and then I have an ultrasound on Monday morning. The doctor does believe I have some sort of nodule in there, and if the ultrasound shows something, I'll then have a fine needle biopsy done. She speculated that my issues sound like Hashimoto's Disease, which I know is very common and very treatable. Regardless, a Mama just can't help but go over the 'what ifs' and get a little bit nervous.

On the flip side, if they do find something and they can safely treat it, I would be oh-so thrilled to know that I haven't created my own feeling-like-shit destiny over the past few years. And even better...maybe I'll drop these 10 lbs. that have crept up on me from out of the blue! Always have to look on the bright side, eh?

Just to let you know how warped I can be at times, though, I did mention to my husband last night that I sure would be pissed if I ended up having cancer that required chemotherapy treatments to cure. I have painstakingly grown my hair long(ish) for the first time in nearly 20 years, and I'll be damned if I'm going to lose it all in clumps after working so hard to get it like this! Vanity's a bitch, ain't it? But I would rock me some cute freaking wigs if I had to...my friends totally know that I would :)

So just keep me in your thoughts if you have more to spare. I feel like I have needed so much from my friends over the past several years, and I can only hope that I gave enough to each of you before that. This libra needs to keep the scales even, you know!